I joined the International Sisterhood of Mothers on April 10, 2005. I thought I was prepared. I stopped working 2 months before my son, Kyle, was born to get his nursery ready, to stock up on supplies, and to finish gestating, basically. Those last few weeks of pregnancy went by very slowly because I was READY, not to mention very uncomfortable.

And then, all of the sudden, he was here. Gone were my lazy days of napping and watching “A Baby Story” and “Oprah.” Gone were my long lunches with former coworkers, complete with decadent desserts. My life was no longer my own -– it belonged to Kyle, whose incessant needs for changing, nursing, or being rocked to sleep consumed all of my time. At first I was fine with it, with all of it. It made me feel like a champ to nurse Kyle 12 hours out of every 24. I wore spit-up stains like badges of honor. But as time went by and I didn’t leave the house or change out of my pajamas before 2:00 in the afternoon (if at all), I started to feel very alone.

My normal solution to any problem is to read about it, and boy did I read everything I could find. During my pregnancy I read all the usual books, the baby magazines, and the websites. Even with the growing popularity of books that swear they “tell it like it is,” nobody REALLY does. I don’t think you can really impart to another person how challenging — physically, emotionally, and spiritually — having a baby is to a mother. But you can try.

Oh sure, occasionally an article will throw you a bone about “vomit on my sweatshirt” and you chuckle with appreciation. But usually in that article the woman’s husband will be standing by with a burp cloth and a hug. How sweet. My husband is the one whose head is buried in an automotive magazine, not noticing that Kyle has just yarfed all over the rug in the living room. And honestly, the smell of spit-up is really disgusting. Its charm definitely wears off.

Kyle is 9 months old now, and he and I have come to an understanding. I’ve become much better at taking things as they come, relaxing my expectations, and appreciating his young life while its still young. Kyle has gotten much better at communicating his needs. But I still have challenging moments every day — whether it’s an identity crisis (“should I go back to work or stay home? And don’t you DARE criticize my decision!”), a chaotic overload of duties, (like the time Kyle plunged his fat little hands into a steaming mess of poop at the same time I dropped the wipes container behind the changing table). While the phone was ringing and the FedEx guy was at the door. Of course. or an adjustment issue (I’m thinking I should stop using so much profanity). You never know what Kyle’s first word will be…

The challenging moments are much easier to appreciate if done so with honesty and humor. Babies are magical, awesome, and full of wonder, yes. But they also do lots of things you never read about. Their poop DOES stink. They whine for HOURS in a row. They kick you in the bladder first thing in the morning and make you pee your pants (it happens). They scream, yell, pull your hair, pee on you, throw food, and ignore every expensive device or toy you’ve purchased to distract them from all of the above. That, my friends, is telling it like it is. And if I had someone to tell me about it 9 months ago, I wouldn’t have felt so alone.

–Kim Tracy Prince A.KA. The Nutty Mama